If You Could See Me Now

Friday, August 21, 2009

So. I realise that this blog has become very impersonal over the years. Looking through my history of posts, I realise my style of writing has changed abit. It just has.

I rant more. Life isn't all sunshine and butterflies anymore.

I don't really update on day-to-day routines. When really, who has the time to update everyday. I mean, sure you can, but REALLY. Get out more. Fresh air is good for you.

Back to the point. Impersonal.Thats what I think this blog has become over the years. So here it is people. My story. I believe not many people know me that well. They look but never see. They hear but never listen. So come, take a walk with me. Maybe, just maybe, you'll learn a thing or two. I am, after all, more than you can imagine.

I'm the kind of girl who thinks white horses are pretty but would be knocking my knees together if asked to get on one. I'm the kind of girl who eats strawberries but loathes anything strawberry flavoured like strawberry ice cream or strawberry cakes. I'm the kind of girl who has been very protected all her life but is loving the feeling of independence and being on my own right now. I'm the kind of girl who has never gone grocery shopping for more than 10 times in Malaysia but can spend hours looking at cereals now.

I'm the kind of girl who looks studious but really, I just procrastinate a lot. I'm the kind of girl who will always feel guilty for eating that last piece of chocolate. I'm the kind of girl who feels sad looking at people eat alone in cafes and would also feel depressed if I ate alone unless I have a good book with me. I'm the type who treats bookshops as my 2nd home. I'm the type who wonders what it would be like to meet a Mr Darcy.

I'm the kind of girl whose been told I look naive and innocent. Maybe I am. I admit, when it comes to relationships and all that jazz, I don't know it all. All I can do is imagine what its like. But so what. I believe that I know enough listening to other people's stories to get an idea. And who are you to judge me anyway?

I'm the kind of girl who treats fruits as my staple food. I eat alot. Trust me. I'm also the kind who would eat crappy food in order to lose weight because I am too lazy to jog and cook proper meals. I'm the kind of girl who indulges in good food when I eat out but can't cook to save my life. Maggi mee anyone? I'm the kind of girl who feels irked when I see people covered in tattoos but I have a tattoo. It's not big okay. I'm the kind of girl who loves colours but would cringe when I see rainbow coloured clothes. I'm also the kind of girl who would go jogging because I know its good for me. Not because I enjoy it. Now all the time anyway. I'm the kind of girl who would buy a pair of sport shoes but would only wear them for jogging.

I'm the kind of girl who loves pretty, pretty dresses, shoes, hairbands and earrings. And yes, I USED to have 5 earring holes. 2 have closed up. I plan to get more when I go back to Malaysia. I'm the kind of girl who won't weep at Korean dramas but would weep for touching cartoons. I'm the kind of girl who is willing to work for something close to the heart. I'm the kind of girl who is stingy on herself but would not think twice when buying things for the bro and sis.

I'm also the kind who believes ice cream should only be devoted to chocolate flavoured ones. And yes, to win my heart, buy me chocolate ice cream. I'm also easily satisfied with an Oreo Mcflurry with extra oreos. I'm the kind of girl who would drool over wedding dresses but isn't thinking about marriage at all. I'm the kind of girl who gets cranky if you wake me up from my peaceful slumber but I never fail to wake up at 7 something every morning no matter how late I sleep.

I'm the kind of girl who loves sweet things but would not drink coffee with sugar and milk at home. I adore lattes and mocha though. And yes, I am known to count calories from time to time. I am also the kind to get obsessed with something for a time and then lose interest after a few months. I'm the kind of girl who wishes I could speak many languages. I'm the kind of girl who really wants to learn sign language but I'm afraid I would lose interest after some time. I'm the kind of girl who thinks guys who can sing and play the guitar are hot. Even if he wasn't serenading me.

I'm the kind of girl who would love to take a year off from the life I am living and do community service in poverty stricken Africa but would not pity beggars who have 2 hands and feet to find a decent job. I'm the kind of girl who would never get sick of listening to Bless The Broken Road. I'm the type who feels happy when I find a song that is not mainstream. Current love is Five Times August.

I'm the type of girl who despises horror movies but would go into the cinema to scare herself silly for the love of friends. I'm the type of girl who adores movies from the 50's and those set in the victorian era. I'm the kind of girl who adores musicals and can watch them a hundred times over. After a musical, I'm the kind to blast the soundtrack to the musical 914973619 times over in the car until the parents get sick of it.

I'm the type of girl who knows the line between gender equality and feminism. I'm the type of girl who would write out cue cards for her chinese class but knows there is a slim chance she would ever refer back to them. She does it to make herself feel better. I'm the kind of girl who pressures herself to do well when the parents don't even bother asking about my grades.

You know, sometimes when I hear about the things friends my age are accomplishing back home in Malaysia, I often think that maybe I should do something more worth while with my life. The feeling of inferiority creeps in and you start to think that maybe I am never going to be as good as them. Honest to God, they are doing such amazing things back home while I am basically enjoying my life in the land down under.

Don't get me wrong. I am, and always will be thankful and blessed that I was given this opportunity to spread my wings in this new place. I'm settling in more easily then I thought I would. Or maybe its because I always had this thinking that not having the luxuries you get back home can actually be a good thing. We all need to grow up sometime. So shut up and make the best of it. In all honesty, I truly think that I have accomplished more things since coming here. Back home, it was always the excuse of not having enough time to do this and that. Here, well, I have ample time. So seriously, finding things to fill all this time is crucial.

I know I would not have been what I am today if not for the people and God of course who have helped me settle into this new life.

New friends are truly a blessing.

<3

New COSDU committee09/10.

Too much good food makes it hard to lose weight :( But not complaining!

Sydney baby :D

So other than the fact that maybe I am enjoying too much here (too much till my grades suffered, which was the only black period for me here) , I really have nothing to complain about. Nothing at all. Sometimes though, you think that yes, I have accomplished this and this. I can do more right? Life isn't all about routines anyway. No boundaries. I've yet to truly find myself and that might be a good thing because if I truly knew myself, I wouldn't have anything to do anymore. Discovering new likes and loathes are truly one of the things taken for granted. I relish in the familiarity of uni life, the rushing for lectures and tutorials but at the same time anticipate the new things tomorrow will bring.

One way to get the most out of life is to look upon it as an adventure.
- William Feather

So you see, I have a dream. That things will somehow or rather turn out for the best. In a plan crafted by God a long time ago. In my dream, I'll add in a prince on a white horse. Just because I still watch Disney cartoons and the princess always ends up with the prince. <3

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

- Eleanor Roosevelt