Thursday, March 01, 2007

I feel as if a landslide of work has suddenly come crashing down on me. And it sucks to be honest. Usually I strive on being occupied but this is just too much. You know whats worst? Its the fact that I've been doing this assignment for soooo long and yet I feel as if I never really progressed from day one. It kills me to think that I'm not as productive as I thought I was. I guess a reality check is in order right now. I know my priorities ain't straight but I just didn't realize they were sooooo way off track. Things don't get any better when some news come up that seem to crash with what my plans.

Here's the deal. I've got this presentation next Tuesday. I've busted my ass for like the longest of time, seriously putting time into this presentation, and it just may not work out because I have this thing called stage fright. Heard of it? Empathize with me.

Finals are in less than 2 weeks. I haven't started revising. I'm not particularly worried about maths, unless they dock more points for seriously stupid-even-my-sister-could-understand answers. I missed out this totally small working leading to the answer that anyone in their right mind could understand and they docked my marks. Honestly, I feel as if I'm being taught to be stupid, as one of my teachers once kindly put it. Wise words indeed. On the other hand, I'm totally freaked out about English. I know. I must have sunk quite low to worry about English. But I want my HD. It kills me that the one subject I thought I was good at and actually thought I could do well in prove that I'm not all that. For the record, I don''t think I'm all that. Just better than my current state.

Then there's this thing called SPM results. Truthfully, I do not feel anything at the moment. Not happy or worried or whatever people in my situation are supposed to be feeling. I have friends who say they probably won't get good shuteye till the day actually comes. One even said he/she will probably miss college for the whole day to go and collect the results. He/she has plans to celebrate his/her results I reckon. I sincerely hope I'll be able to join you. A part of me wants to bury it forever and never knowing how I fared yet another part frankly, is dying to know how well/badly I did. Actually I just hope it was good. BUT the day the results come out somewhat clashes with my finals. To take or not to take my results? That is the question. If I did as well as my expectations, I will continue with my finals in a totally euphoric state. The possibility of missing out on a HD may not even dampen my mood. If it doesn't turn out well, I'll just start writing a long apology letter to my almost bright future. I'll even throw in a few teardrops for good measure. I'm not being pessimistic. I'm just being real.

Oh it doesn't stop there. Driving test. I do not, I repeat, do not want to fail this. My instructor thinks I'll be ready. I still can't do my slope correctly. He'll probably cry when he sees me rolling back on the slope. I want more confidence. I think I'll pay any price for that. I'll buy some for my presentation as well.

If your eyes have reached this point, I seriously hope you did not waste any precious time reading this. I just wanted to share some 'joy'. Heh.

Have a happier day to all reading this.